My metamorphosis into a crotchety old person...that's better than a cockroach, I guess.

After teaching for nearly 20 years you’d think there’d be little that could surprise me in the student excuses arena. And yet, it still happens. Every quarter/term I hear myself saying, “Honey! Listen to THIS email!” I am starting to sound like a really old person, constantly kvetching about the decline in intelligence and worth ethic of today’s youth. And maybe the constant barrage of asinine requests and assumptions have just worn me down. Maybe I was just a “goody-goody” student who wouldn’t have dared to question an assignment or due date or—heaven forbid!—call my professor at home on a Friday night to ask for clarification on a policy. Is it just me?

And let me just say, I am rather type A when it comes to clearly putting in writing my class policies and expectations. For example, if you were a student, would this phrase confuse you at all?

Assignment due dates can be found in the Course Calendar. These dates are not negotiable. Assignment grades are reduced 10 points for each day they are late. Assignments submitted more than 5 days late will not be accepted.

And yet, I continue to get emails such as this:

I know this assignment was due a few weeks ago but I went on vacation with my family and then my kids had soccer games and one broke her toe and then the water heater went out and I had to replace it and boy was that expensive! So anyway, here’s my paper…

One of my recent favorites was actually delivered in person. As she took the final exam instruction sheet from my hand this very sweet undergraduate expressed concern over her ability to pass the final since she was pretty sure she had had the wrong textbook the entire quarter since none of the assignments seemed to match up with the book…

Seriously?

I’ve got dozens of these stories, I tell ya’. But since I have class websites to update and laundry put away and floors that desperately need to be cleaned, I leave you with this last one, paraphrased to protect the not-so-innocent:

I know I missed the final that was on last Thursday and I done let this class get away from me this quarter but I am on house arrest and am taking four classes and have been really stress about me being incarcerated and I can prove all of this if you can just give me a C…

My husband and I are thinking that maybe I should find out what he’s under house arrest for before I turn in those grades…